Another dumb poem

30 Jul

Here’s an idea that’s been kicking around in my head. Hopefully it’s funny. And, before the one reader who might ask such a question asks, it’s completely fictional save for one thing mentioned in the first stanza.

——————————–

You saw visions of me winning
The World Series some day
Or getting the Heisman Trophy
For that amazing touchdown play

You had high hopes for me
And those blew up in your face
When I played peewee baseball
Hit the ball, and ran to third base

Sorry, Dad!
Looks like you raised a comic!
I know I’m 6, but you should just give up now.
Sorry, Dad!
If you get mad, it’ll go in my act!
It’s not your fault, your tried your best anyhow.

You tell your colleagues I’m saving for grad school
Even though I dropped out long ago
I used the rest of my student loans
To finance my awful one-man show

You’re not worried I’m still single
You think I’m still a winner
But you don’t see me in my apartment
The third straight night of pop-tarts for dinner

Sorry, Dad!
Looks like you raised a comic!
I know I’m 25, but you should just give up now.
Sorry, Dad!
If you get mad it’ll go in my act!
It’s not your fault, your tried your best anyhow.

Now you’ve made your peace
And let me back into your basement
You tell your colleagues I’m retarded
To avoid the embarrassment

You ask me how I’ll pay the rent
When I’m not getting any gigs
I tell you “Don’t you remember, Dad?
When I swing the bat, I always hit big!”

Sorry, Dad!
Looks like you raised a comic!
Now I’m 40 and a waste of your DNA.
Sorry, Dad!
I’m a predisposed disappointment
But since mom’s died you’ve been lonely anyway!

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